奧巴馬白宮記者會上演自嘲秀 總統任期多磨難（視頻）

5月3日，美國總統奧巴馬出席一年一度的白宮記者協會晚宴（White House Correspondents Dinner, WHCD）。一年一度的白宮記者協會晚宴不僅是各路媒體歡聚一堂的盛宴，也是被媒體吐槽了整年的總統報仇雪恨的機會。晚宴上，奧巴馬拿自己、共和黨人和媒體“開涮”，網友調侃其是“段子手奧巴馬”。雖是自嘲，卻也真實反映了奧巴馬總統任上幾多不易。

奧巴馬上演自嘲秀，似笑非笑

奧巴馬先自嘲了醫保網站、支持率和NSA等糗事，然後對着CNN、MSNBC和福克斯新聞挨個開火，又把保守派大佬們黑了個遍。

“這些天，共和黨人對付博納比對我狠多了，或許橙色真的是一種流行色。”奧巴馬如此調侃總對自己放炮的眾議長博納。（博納日前因曬日光浴把自己曬成了橙色而非古銅色被媒體嘲笑）。

奧巴馬調侃了在大選時強調他出生於肯尼亞的福克斯電視台，“福克斯，等我卸任你們一定會想我，因為讓美國人相信希拉里出生在肯尼亞一定更難。”

奧巴馬還拿自己重磅推出卻漏洞百出的醫保網站開涮，稱醫保網站的進展，可以用本年度最賣座的電影《冰雪奇緣》來形容 ，所謂“Frozen”（《冰雪奇緣》的英文原名，意為“凍結”）。

因為醫保網站常無法登錄，奧巴馬調侃説，“2008年，我的口號是‘是的，我們能行！’，2014年，我的口號是‘Control-Alt-Delete’（電腦重啓）。”

觀察者網小編在微博看到，中國網友看完奧巴馬演講的視頻以後調侃稱“初以為是新進的單口藝人”“奧巴馬卸任後的主業就是段子手”，還有網友感慨“真看出來不用再參加選舉了，各種開炮”。

今年是白宮記者協會成立100週年。該晚宴又稱“書呆子舞會”，由總統偕第一夫人、新聞媒體代表及兩黨政治人物參加，還會邀請一些喜劇明星演講，演講內容多是對重大政治事件和當紅政客的嘲弄譏諷。

奧巴馬白宮記者協會晚宴上演自嘲秀（網友@谷大白話 翻譯）

白宮發佈28頁報告誇耀奧巴馬 眾議長稱譁眾取寵

據美國“國會山”網站報道，美國總統奧巴馬4月3日發佈了一份名為“行動年”的議程文件，並在當天的例行週末廣播和網絡講話中，極力誇耀自己今年以來促進經濟的政績。

這份文件長達28頁，列舉了奧巴馬將在2014年內採取的24項行政措施。其中包括：奧巴馬提高最低工資和讓女性勞動者獲得平等報酬的努力，已經促使馬里蘭和夏威夷等州立法機關提高了這些州的最低工資水平，他努力吸引更多的高科技企業在美創造就業崗位，還鼓勵私人投資擴大學校教育的互聯網覆蓋、為製造業工人設立培訓機構等。

白宮在新聞稿中説：“當國會共和黨人正在前所未有地設置障礙，甚至不惜讓聯邦政府關門、50多次試圖否決醫改法案，並反對給辛勤勞作的美國人加薪時，總統仍在努力改善美國人的狀況。”白宮國家經濟委員會主任津茨也誇讚道，奧巴馬的“行動年”議程“就像咖啡因一樣正在刺激着投資”。

然而，美國眾議院議長、共和黨人博納的發言人以“譁眾取寵”形容奧巴馬的“行動年”議程，稱“當眾議院共和黨人通過一項又一項就業法案時，奧巴馬卻在花時間去分裂美國人，把黨派考量置於發展經濟之前”。

“國會山”網站認為，白宮自我表功的行為，不僅激起共和黨人的反對，而且也會激起部分民主黨支持者的不滿。比如，移民權益人士屢次向白宮施壓，要求減緩將非法移民驅逐出境的步伐，但白宮迄今為止尚未宣佈任何行政命令。

對於白宮來説，最大的麻煩恐怕還是這份“行動年”議程沒能提高奧巴馬的支持率。《華盛頓郵報》最新發布的一項民調顯示，奧巴馬的支持率只有41%，是他入主白宮5年多來的最低點。5月2日發佈的統計數字顯示，美國的失業率降至6.3%，是2008年9月以來的最低水平。但《華盛頓郵報》民調顯示，只有42%的受訪者肯定奧巴馬處理經濟的方式。這一認可度比上次中期選舉前（2010年10月）發佈的民調結果還要糟糕，而民主黨在當年的選舉中慘敗。

由於奧巴馬無法將行政努力轉化為政治資本，因此也無力推動國會山的立法行動，包括提高最低工資、失業保險、移民改革等獲得廣泛支持的立法實際都懸而未決。《基督教科學箴言報》評論説，任期還剩下兩年多的奧巴馬極力兜售“行動年”計劃，意在顯示自己並非已成“跛腳鴨”。然而，糟糕的支持率很可能在今年底的中期選舉中把更多共和黨人送入國會兩院，屆時奧巴馬的跛腳狀態只會更加明顯。

《華盛頓郵報》刊登了奧巴馬演講英文稿。

 

   

Thank You. Thank you so much.Thank you very much. Thank you. Everyone, please have a seat. Have a seat.​

​Before I get started, can we getthe new presidential set up out here? [Laughter] It has worked before.[Laughter] That is more like it.

​It is great to be back. What ayear, huh? I usually start these dinners with a few self-deprecating jokes.After my stellar 2013, what can I possibly talk about? [Laughter]​

I admit it — last year was rough.Sheesh. [Laughter]

​At one point, things got so bad,the 47 percent called Mitt Romney to apologize. [Laughter]​

​Of course, we rolled outHealthcare.gov. That could have gone better. [Laughter]​

​In 2008, my slogan was “Yes, wecan.” In 2013, my slogan was “Control, alt, delete.” [Laughter]

​On the plus side, they did turnthe launch of Healthcare.gov into one of the year’ s biggest movies. [Laughter]But rather than dwell on the past, I would like to pivot to this dinner.

​Let’s welcome our headliner thisevening, Joel McHale. [Applause] On “Community,” Joel plays a preening,self-obsessed narcissist, so this dinner must be a real change of pace for you.[Laughter] I want to thank the White House Correspondents Association forhosting us here tonight. I am happy to be here, even though I am a littlejet-lagged from my trip to Malaysia. The lengths we have to go to to get CNNcoverage these days. [Laughter] [applause]​

I think they are still searchingfor their tables. [Laughter] [applause]

MSNBC is here. [Applause] They are a little overwhelmed. They’ve never seen an audience this big before.[Laughter]

​Look, everyone is trying to keepup with this incredibly fast-changing media landscape. For example, I got a lotof grief on cable news for promoting Obamacare to young people on “Between TwoFerns.” But that’s what young people like to watch. And to be fair, I am notthe first person on television between two potted plants. [Laughter] [applause]​

Sometimes I do feel disrespectedby you reporters. But that’s OK. Seattle Seahawks’ cornerback Richard Shermanis here tonight, and he gave me some great tips on how to handle it. JakeTapper, don’t you ever talk about me like that! I am the best president in thegame! What do you think, Richard, was that good? [Laughter] A little more feelingnext time. [Laughter]​

​While we are talking sports, justlast month, a wonderful story. An American won the Boston Marathon for thefirst time in 30 years. [Applause] Which was inspiring and only fair since aKenyan has been president for the last six. We have to even things out.​

​We have some other athletes heretonight, including Olympic snowboarding gold medalist Jamie Anderson is here.We are proud of her. Incredibly talented young lady. Michelle and I watch theOlympics, we cannot believe what these folks do. Death-defying feats. Wehaven’t seen somebody pull a 180 that fast since Rand Paul disinvitied thatdisgruntled rancher from this dinner. [laughter]

​As a general rule, things don’tend well if the sentence starts, “Let me tell you something I know about thenegro.” You don’t really need to hear the rest of it. [Laughter] Just a tip foryou. Don’ t start your sentence that way. [Laughter]

​Speaking of Rand Paul, —[laughter] Colorado legalized marijuana this year. An interesting social experiment.I do hope it does not lead to a bunch of paranoid people who think the federalgovernment is out to get them and listening to their phone calls. [Laughter]That would be a problem. [Laughter]​

​And speaking of conservativeheroes, the Koch brothers bought a table here tonight. But they used a shadowyright-wing organization as a front. Hello, Fox News. [Laughter] [applause] I’mjust kidding. Let’s face it, Fox, you’ l miss me when I’ m gone. [Laughter] Itwill be harder to convince the American people that Hillary was born in Kenya.[Laughter] [applause]​

 

   

A lot of us really are concernedabout the way that money is influencing our politics. I remember when a superpack with me was buying Marlboro 100s instead of regulars. [Laughter] Ofcourse, now that it is 2014, Washington is obsessed on the midterms. Folks aresaying that with my sagging poll numbers, my fellow democrats don’t really wantme campaigning with them. I don’t think that is true, although I did notice theother day that Sasha needed a speaker at career day and she invited BillClinton. [Laughter] I was a little hurt by that.​

​Both sides are doing whatever ittakes to win. The ruthless game. Republicans — this is a true story.Republicans actually brought in a group consultant to teach their candidateshow to speak to women. This is true. I don’t know if it’ll work for women, butI understand America’s teenage boys are signing up to run for the Senate indroves. [Laughter] [applause]​

Anyway, while you guys focus onthe horse race, I’m going to do what I do. I will be focused on everydayAmericans. Just yesterday I read a heartbreaking letter. I get letters fromfolks around the country every day. I get 10 that I read. This one got me. AVirginia man who’s been stuck in the same part-time job for years. No respectfrom his boss. There was no chance to get ahead. I really wish Eric Cantorwould stop writing me. You can just pick up the phone, Eric. [Laughter][applause]

​I am feeling sorry, believe it and not, for the Speaker of the House. These days, the House Republicans give John Boehner a harder time than they give me. Which means orange really is thenew black. [Laughter] [applause]

​But I have not given up the ideaof working with Congress. In fact, two weeks ago, Senator Ted Cruz and I, wegot a bill done together and I have to say the signing ceremony was somethingspecial. We got a picture of it I think. [Laughter]​

Look, I know. Washington seemsmore dysfunctional than ever. Gridlock has gotten so bad in this town, you haveto wonder what did we do to piss off Chris Christie so bad? [Laughter]​

​One issue, for example, wehaven’t been able to agree on is unemployment insurance. Republicans continueto refuse to extend it. You know what, I am beginning to think they have apoint. If you don’t want to get paid while not working, you should have to runfor Congress just like everybody else. [Laughter] [applause]​

There is one thing that keepsRepublicans busy. They have tried more than 50 times to repeal Obamacare.Despite that, 8 million people signed up for healthcare in the first openenrollment. [Applause] Which does lead one to ask, how well does Obamacare haveto work before you don’t want to repeal it? What if everyone’s cholesteroldrops to 120? What if your yearly checkup came with tickets to a Clippers’game? Not the old Donald Sterling Clippers, the new Oprah Clippers. What if itgave Mitch McConnell a pulse? What is it going to take?

​Anyway, this year I have promisedto use more executive actions to get things done without Congress. My criticscall this the imperial presidency. Truth is I just show up every day at myoffice and do my job. We have a picture of this, I think? [Laughter] [applause]​

You would think they wouldappreciate a more assertive approach, considering that the new conservativedarling is non other than Vladimir Putin. Last year, Pat Buchanan said Putin’sheaded straight for the Nobel Peace Prize. He said this. Now I know it soundscrazy but to be fair they give those to just about anybody these days. It couldhappen. [Laughter] [applause]​

​But it’s not just Pat, RudyGiuliani said, “Putin is what you would call a leader. Mike Huckabee and ShawnHannity keep talking about his bare chest, which is kind of weird. [Laughter][applause] Look it up. They talk about it a lot. [Laughter]​

It is strange to think that Ihave just two and a half years left in this office. Everywhere I look there arereminders that I only hold this job temporarily. [Laughter] But, it is a longtime between now and 2016. And anything can happen. You may have heard theother day that Hillary had to dodge a flying shoe at a press conference.[Laughter]​

I love that picture.​

Regardless of what happens, I’verun my last campaign. I’m beginning to think about my legacy. Some of you knowthat Mayor Rahm Emanuel recently announced that he’s naming a high school afterme in Chicago. I was even more flattered to hear that Rick Perry, who is heretonight, is doing the same thing in Texas. Take a look. [Laughter] Thank you,Rick. It means a lot to me.

​I intend to enjoy all the freetime that I will have. George W. Bush took up painting after he left office. Itinspired me to take up own artistic side. I am sure we have a shot of this.Maybe not. The joke does not work without the slide. [Laughter] Oh well. Assumethat it was funny. [Laughter] Does this happen to you Joel? It does, OK.

​On a serious note, tonightreminds us that we are lucky to live in a country where reporters can give ahead of state a hard time on a daily basis. And once a year give him or her thechance at least to return the favor. We also know that not every journalist orphotographer or crew member is so fortunate. Even as we celebrate the freepress tonight, our thoughts are with those in places around the globe likeUkraine and Afghanistan and Syria and Egypt. People who risk everything. Insome cases even give their lives to report the news. And what tonight alsoreminds us is that the fight for full and fair access goes beyond the chance toask a question.​

As Steve mentioned, decades agoan African-American who wanted to cover his or her president might be barredfrom journalism school. Burdened by Jim Crow. And once in Washington bannedfrom press conferences. After years of effort, black editors and publishersbegan meeting with FDR’s press secretary, Steve Irving(此處應為Stephen Early). Theymet with the president himself, who declared that a black reporter would get acredential. Even when Harry McAlpin made history as the first African-Americanto attend a presidential news conference, he was not always welcomed by theother reporters. But he was welcomed by the president, who told him, “I’m gladto see you McAlpin.” I’m very happy to have you here.” Now that sentiment mighthave worn off once Harry asked him a question or two. And Harry’s battlescontinued, but he made history. We are so proud of Sherman and his family forbeing here tonight and the White House Correspondents Association for creatingthe scholarship in Harry’s name. [Applause] For over 100 years, even as theWhite House Correspondents Association has told the story of America’sprogress, you’ve lived it too. Gradually allowing equal access to women,minorities, gays and Smericans with disabilities. Yes, radio and television andInternet reporters as well. Through it all you’ve helped make sure that even associeties change, our fundamental commitment to the interaction between thosewho govern and those who ask questions doesn’t change. And as Jay will attest,it’s a legacy that you carry on enthusiastically every single day. Because thisis the 100th anniversary of the Correspondents Association, I actually recordedan additional brief video thanking you for all your hard work. Can we run thevideo?

​What is going on? I was told thiswould work. Does anybody know how to fix this? Thank you. [Laughter] Do youhave it?​

Kathleen Sebelius: I got this. Isee it all the time. There. That should work.​

Congratulations to the WhiteHouse Correspondents. Here is to 100 more years.​

Thank you very much, everybody..Bless you. [Applause] [laughter] [laughter] [applause]

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