為什麼有些人從未感到孤單_風聞

【來源龍騰網】

正文原創翻譯：

Feeling socially connected is a need all of us share, but human interaction isn’t the only way to get it

感覺與社會有聯繫是我們所有人都需要的，但人際交往並不是獲得它的唯一途徑

There was a point, midway through quarantine, where I started to wonder if I was made for it.

有一次，在隔離期間，我甚至開始懷疑我是否適合這樣做。

I’m used to alone time in abundance — I spent seven years living on my own. And I know firsthand that loneliness and being alone are two different things, and that the presence or absence of other people isn’t necessarily tied to the emotional state. Still, as the time in lockdown stretched on, I braced myself for the wave of loneliness to hit.

我已經習慣了大量的獨處時間——我獨自生活了七年。我親身體會到，孤獨和獨處是兩件不同的事情，其他人的存在或不存在不一定與情緒狀態有關。儘管如此，隨着被封鎖時間的延長，我還是做好了迎接孤獨浪潮的準備。

Strangely, it never did. I’m not saying I’ve been enjoying this time — I’d do some terrible things for a carefree dinner out right now — but for the most part, I’ve been doing okay without in-person socializing. I’m bored. I’m anxious. But I’m not terribly lonely.

奇怪的是，從來沒有。我不是説我很享受這段時間，我現在會做一些糟糕的事情來享受一頓無憂無慮的晚餐。但大多數情況下，我不進行面對面的社交也還可以。我會覺得無聊和焦慮，但我並不感到十分孤獨。

Some people, it turns out, really are less susceptible to loneliness while alone. Or, more specifically, some people have already been living the conclusion of a recent study: that spending time with other people isn’t the only way to feel a sense of belonging. And while the country may be inching toward reopening right now, the warnings of new spikes, second waves, and returns to lockdown mean all of us would benefit from getting to know the alternatives.

事實證明，有些人在獨處時確實不太容易感到孤獨。或者，更具體地説，一些人已經經歷了最近一項研究得出的結論：與他人相處並不是獲得歸屬感的唯一途徑。雖然這個國家現在可能正在慢慢地重新開放，但是新的高峯、第二波和重新封鎖的警告意味着我們所有人都將受益於其他替代選擇。

The study, published in the journal Self and Identity, found that so-called nontraditional social strategies—such as playing with a pet, eating comfort foods, listening to music, watching TV, or even following celebrities on social media — can be legitimate sources of social satisfaction. The reason for this has as much to do with human migration as it does with our brains: “While socialization is a fundamental need, just like water and shelter, we no longer have the tight-knit communities that historically fostered it,” says social psychologist Elaine Paravati Harrigan, who led the study as a researcher at the University of Buffalo’s Social Self Lab. “As our society has evolved and changed, we have evolved the ways our needs get met.”

這項發表在《自我與身份》雜誌上的研究發現，所謂的非傳統社交策略，比如與寵物玩耍、吃舒適的食物、聽音樂、看電視，甚至在社交媒體上追隨名人，都可以成為社交滿足感的正當來源。其原因與人類遷徙有關，也與我們的大腦有關。社會心理學家Elaine Paravati Harrigan説“雖然社會化是一種基本需求，就像水和住所一樣，但我們不再擁有過去培育這種需求的緊密聯繫的社區，”作為布法羅大學社會自我實驗室的研究員，她領導了這項研究。“隨着社會的發展和變化，我們滿足需求的方式也在進化。”

We’ve adapted to find connection where we can. Watching Friends can make you feel like you, too, are settling into the sofa at Central Perk. Cooking up your grandmother’s lasagna recipe can feel like a moment of bonding, even if you’re the only one in the kitchen. In fact, Paravati Harrigan and her co-authors found that people who turn to these nontraditional strategies aren’t any lonelier, less happy, or less fulfilled than those who rely on traditional social sources.

我們已經適應了在可能的地方找到聯繫。看老友記也可以讓你覺得自己坐在Central Perk咖啡館的沙發上。即使你是一個人待在廚房做祖母的千層麪食譜也是一種親密的時刻。實際上，Paravati Harrigan及其合著者發現，轉向這些非傳統策略的人們比那些依靠傳統社會資源的人們不會更孤獨，更不幸福或更不充實。

The same activities won’t have the same effect for everyone. One person’s Instagram deep dive on their favorite reality star might be another’s gaming session or time curled up with a book. The key is to find whatever works for you, both to keep you feeling socially fulfilled and to beat back feelings of loneliness that may have already taken hold. (Pavarati Harrigan notes that the strategies in the study have also been shown to blunt the sting of social rejection.)

相同的活動不會對所有人產生相同的效果。有些人獲取快樂的方法可能是通過追隨他們最喜歡的真人秀明星，另一個則可能通過遊戲，其他人可能沉迷於書籍。關鍵是要找到對自己有用的方式，既可以使您感到社交滿足，又可以消除可能已經佔據上風的孤獨感。（帕瓦拉蒂·哈里根（Pavarati Harrigan）指出，該研究中的策略也被證明可以減輕社會排斥感。

Pavarati Harrigan says it helps to think of your social needs with a fuel tank metaphor: The fuller the tank, the less lonely you’re likely to feel. When our options for filling it with normal socialization are limited, relying on alternative sources can help you make up some of the difference.

帕瓦拉蒂·哈里根（Pavarati Harrigan）説，用油箱這個比喻有助於思考你的社會需求：油箱越滿，你越不會感到孤獨。如果我們無法通過正常社交來填充它，那麼依靠替代資源可以幫助你彌補一些差距。

This is reassuring in the midst of social isolation, and it may also come in handy when alone time is in short supply once again.

這在社會隔離期間是讓人安心的，當我們再次缺少獨處時間時，它也可能派上用場。