一些亞洲人如何對彼此説“我愛你”_風聞

【來源龍騰網】

正文原創翻譯：

‘I love you’. Just three words. But three words some typical Asians like those of Chinese heritage find hard to say out loud when it comes to dating and romantic relationships.

我愛你，只有三個字。但當談到約會和戀愛關係時，一些傳統的亞洲人，比如中國血統的亞洲人，卻很難大聲説出這三個字。

There’s this common stereotype: Asians are reserved about expressing romantic sentiments towards each other. In a progressive world where traditional and modern perspectives collide, sometimes this is still true, and sometimes not.

有一種常見的刻板印象:亞洲人對彼此表達浪漫感情比較保守。在一個傳統觀點和現代觀點相互衝突的進步世界裏，有時這是正確的，有時則不是。

There are different degrees of love, physical and emotional. Different ways of expressing romantic love during different moments – depending on our personality, the ways we are actually comfortable expressing it and what we believe in. Personally, I’m reserved about my love life and won’t be sharing my serious relationships here.

有不同程度的愛，身體上的和情感上的。在不同時刻用不同的方式來表達浪漫的愛情，這取決於我們的個性，我們表達愛情時的方式以及我們的信仰。就我個人而言，我對我的感情生活很保守，我不會在這裏分享我的感情生活。

Providing by way of giving and protecting is commonly how stereotypical Asians show love. Love involves practicality, and a touch of materiality to impress: building up comfortable surrounds by providing food on the table, a roof over heads and clothes on the back. While the One Child Policy in China has been phased out, it has resulted in many more males than females in the country. Many Chinese men are inclined to save and own flashy cars and prime accommodation to catch the eye of potential, highly sought after female companions and settle down, in a time where hierarchical Asian family values still exist.

通過給予和保護的方式來表達愛通常是典型的亞洲人表達愛的方式。它包含了實用性和物質性:通過提供餐桌上的食物，頭上的屋頂和身上的衣服來營造舒適的環境。中國的男性比女性多不少，許多中國男人傾向於儲蓄和擁有豪華轎車和高檔住房，以吸引潛在的目光，追求女性伴侶，然後在這個亞洲家庭價值觀仍存在的時代安定下來。

One hot and humid afternoon during high school in Singapore, a Chinese Singaporean classmate came up to me and asked, “D-d-do you want to go s-shopping?” I was flattered but I’m not a girly girl who likes shopping – and going shopping was what my Singaporean male classmates liked to do with their girlfriends. Notably, with each Asian guy I’ve been on a date with, either that or eating is always first on the agenda.

在新加坡讀高中時，一個悶熱潮濕的下午，一個新加坡華人的同學走過來問我:“你想去購物嗎？”我受寵若驚，但我不是一個喜歡購物的女孩，我的新加坡男同學喜歡和他們的女朋友一起去購物。值得注意的是，和我約會過的亞洲男人，一起去吃飯總是第一選擇。

For stereotypical Asians, saying I love you entails being physically apart, geographically distant. A lack of physical presence doesn’t mean a lack of presence in a relationship. Research from the University of New York shows Chinese couples frequently ‘live apart together’ in long distance relationships: frequently a parent works outstation where the dough is to raise a parachute family and younger couples willingly live apart to give each other space.

對於典型的亞洲人來説，説我愛你的時候往往意味着兩地分離，地理上的遙遠。不過無法共同生活並不意味着在一段關係中缺乏存在感。紐約大學的一項研究表明，中國夫婦經常遠距離分居，努力賺錢建立一個“降落傘式家庭”，而年輕夫婦也願意分開住，以便給彼此空間。

Arguably then in Chinese culture, actions speak louder than words when it comes to expressing emotions deep from the heart. In Chinese culture, telling someone ‘I love you’ face-to-face often comes across as too harsh, too confronting, too full on. Saying ‘ I love you’ in Mandarin sounds awkward and feels embarrassing. According to this study by Michigan State University, historically and even today, many Chinese were raised and disciplined with negative language by stern parents; not wholly conditioned to warm towards affection but more reticent to verbalising it than Western Americans. When you can’t speak love, what’s left to do is to show it.

可以説，在中國文化中，當表達內心深處的情感時，行動勝於言語。在中國文化中，面對面地告訴別人“我愛你”往往會給人一種過於意外、過於誇張的印象。用普通話説“ 我愛你”聽起來令人很尷尬。根據密歇根州立大學的這項研究，從歷史上到今天，許多中國人都是在嚴厲的父母的教導下長大的，受到嚴格的教育。他們不習慣熱情地表達感情，與西方相比，他們不願意用言語表達，當你不能説出愛時，剩下要做的那就是通過行動把愛表現出來。

Though I’ve never heard my Chinese-Malaysian parents say ‘I love you’ to each other, I’ve never had a problem with anyone saying the phrase to each other. I’m not that liberal with the phrase out loud myself. Probably nothing to do with how I was brought up. As a shy person with social anxiety, making the first move on anyone is a no-no for me. 

我從來沒有聽到我的馬來西亞華人父母對彼此説“我愛你”，我自己也不太喜歡大聲説出這句話。也許和我的成長環境有關係。作為一個有社交焦慮症的害羞的人，主動出擊對我來説是一種禁忌。

And so love is a feeling for many typical Asians, and the essence of ‘I love you’ starts off with an emotional connection, less so physical affection.  in the mid 20th century, sex was seen as a tool for procreation, sexless military dress-sense advocated and adultery punished in the midst of women becoming victims of sexual violence. Today discipline is still common in conservative (Confucian) Chinese families: conventional order of family is highly valued while sex education is swept under the rug, and passionate physical intimacy and public display of affection are seen as immoral.

對於許多典型的亞洲人來説，愛是一種感覺，“我愛你”的本質始於情感上的聯繫，而不是身體上的感情。在20世紀中葉，提倡中性的軍人着裝，性只被視為生育的工具。今天，在中國傳統的家庭教育中，傳統的家庭秩序被高度重視，而性教育仍被掩蓋，激情的身體親密行為和公開場合親熱被視為不道德。

However, more and more younger generation Asians are engaging in sex and one night stands for enjoyment. There are more sex shops in Beijing than in New York. It might not be talked about in the open, but love is physical as much as it’s emotional for the more open-minded among us today.

然而，越來越多的年輕一代亞洲人喜歡xxoo，認為一夜情是一種享受。北京的性用品商店比紐約的還要多。也許我們不能在公開場合談論愛情，但對於今天更加開放的人來説，愛情不僅是情感上的，也是身體上的。

I love physical intimacy. To an extent. Once I had a three-hour sushi dinner with an Asian guy; we’d hung out with a couple of times previously. After the meal, he walked me home. I said I was freezing that winter night. He grabbed my hand. I gripped back. He pulled me close, our bodies pressed together. When we reached my place, we stood face-to-face. Our noses almost touched. But ever the slightest bit, with certainty I backed away. Nope, no kiss.

在某種程度上，我喜歡身體上的親密接觸。有一次，我和一個亞洲人共進了三個小時的壽司晚餐，之前我們還一起出去玩過幾次。飯後，他送我回家。我説很冷，他抓住了我的手。我後退了一步，他把我拉近，我們的身體緊緊地貼在一起。當我們到達我的住處時，我們面對面站着。我們的鼻子幾乎碰到了一起，就差那麼一點點。我往後退了一步，沒有和他親吻。

With different degrees of love comes different definitions of love, different kinds of relationships and different wants out of relationships. You can always experiment with physical affection to make that kind of love work. But when it comes to emotional attachment, you can’t help but feel how you really feel. And that is special as it is through this untamed emotional feeling that we truly connect with each other and take ‘I love you’ to a deeper level. That’s not to say an emotional connection or a friendship can’t develop over time whilst getting physical with each other. It’s possible, but maybe more of a gamble.

愛的程度不同，對愛的定義也就不同；關係的種類不同，對關係的需求也不同。你可以嘗試用身體上的親密接觸來讓這種愛發揮作用。當涉及到情感依戀時，你會情不自禁地感受到你的真實感受。這是一種特別的感受，因為正是通過這種不受控制的情感，我們真正連接到彼此，把’我愛你’帶到更深的層次。這並不是説隨着時間的推移，感情上的聯繫就不能在彼此身體接觸的同時發展。這是完全有可能發生的，但這可能更像是一場賭博。

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if someone loves you as the person whom you are. It’s one thing to say to someone you love them, and another to show you’re not just lusting after them. Sometimes after a few dates with Western male expats, Chinese girls start talking about marriage and planning their futures with them. Unless you feel you’ve met the love of your life, it’s confronting to have intimate conversations with a stranger.

有時候，很難判斷一個人是否真正愛你。對某人説你愛他/她是一回事，向他/她表明你不只是對他/她有慾望是另一回事。有時候，在和西方男性外國人約會幾次之後，中國女孩開始和他們談論婚姻和規劃未來。不過除非你覺得你遇到了生命中的真愛，否則與陌生人進行親密對話是一種挑戰。

This begs the question: what is love? Love is complex. Love is the big things together like lavish candle-lit dinners, holiday getaways, jewellery gifts. Love is the small things together like taking out the garbage, sitting together after a long day. Love is the unspoken routines between each other, and the petty disagreements too. Love is what it is when we agree, and more so when we disagree with each other and move along together. Each relationship is different; saying I love you is different in each relationship.

這就引出了一個問題:什麼是愛？愛情是複雜的。愛是一件重要的東西，比如奢華的燭光晚餐，節日出遊，珠寶禮物。愛也許就是一起做一些小事，比如倒垃圾，在漫長的一天裏坐在一起。愛是彼此之間不言而喻的默契，也是瑣碎的分歧。當我們意見一致時，愛就在這裏，當我們意見不一致時，愛更在這裏。每段關係都是不同的，在每段感情中説“我愛你”也是不同的。

In this modern multicultural world, there are heterosexual couples, mixed race couples, varying age-gap couples, same-sex couples, long distance couples, and so on. same-sex love is still characterised by invisibility in most of Asia where traditional society norms dominate the status quo. For some Asians, saying ‘I love you’ is a private affair more than ever and consequently, love and ‘I love you’ knows no boundaries. As Oscar Wilde said on truly loving someone:‘You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.’

在這個多元文化的現代世界裏，有異性伴侶，混血伴侶，不同年齡段的伴侶，同性伴侶，異地戀伴侶等等。在亞洲大部分地區，同性戀仍是禁忌，傳統的社會規範主導着現狀。對於一些亞洲人來説，説“我愛你”在任何時候都是件私密的事，因此，愛和“我愛你”是沒有界限的。就像奧斯卡.王爾德在《真愛一人》中所説：“你愛一個人不是因為他的外表，他的衣着，或他的豪車，而是因為他唱的歌只有你能聽到。”

More times than I can count, guys wink at me in the middle of conversations, in social circles and especially at the many corporate offices where I’ve worked. A wink is silent, an ever-guessing message. It could be a sexually suggestive sign, flirting, a greeting, an affirmation, a sign of sexism, a combination of it all, anything. Not that I mind being winked at.  some winks turned into meals together and good company.

在社交圈裏，尤其是在我工作過的許多公司辦公室裏，男人們在談話中向我眨眼的次數多得數不清。眨眼是無聲的，是需要不斷猜測的信息。它可以是性暗示的信號，調情，問候，肯定，性別歧視的標誌，是這些中之一，也可能是其他任何東西。我並不介意別人對我眨眼。一些向我眨眼的人變成了可以一起吃飯的夥伴。

In general, you can date multiple people at once before committing to a committed relationship with someone. For many younger generations Asians today, love and saying ‘I love you’ is a fluid game. Dating shows in China attract millions of viewers, shows where women make demands from potential male suitors and men taking their picks from bevies of girls to find their match. Dating apps such as Tinder, QQ, Momo and Tandan give one the possibility of finding their match or a ‘quickie’ literally right now in China.

一般來説，你可以同時與很多人約會，然後再和某人確定戀愛關係。對今天的許多年輕一代來説，愛和説“我愛你”是一個不固定的遊戲。中國的相親節目吸引了數以百萬計的觀眾，節目中女性向潛在的男性追求者提出要求，男性則從眾多女孩中挑選合適的對象。現在在中國，像Tinder、QQ、陌陌和探探這樣的交友應用程序，讓人們有機會找到自己的另一半或進行“速配”。

The smallest moments between each other speak the loudest love.it’s the subtle moments between us that matter and knowing true love is more than just a good fuck. Moments like that random hug whilst walking down a busy street. When we tell each other off because one of us is really being crazy or an idiot or a crazy idiot. When we pick up the phone anytime and text each other that ‘wtf’ moment going on our end. Just being ourselves with each other, speaking and acting our minds. Knowing we got each other’s back. As author E.A. Bucchianeri said on presenting each other our deepest sides: ‘Love is supposed to be based on trust, and trust on love, it’s something rare and beautiful when people can confide in each other without fearing what the other person will think.’

彼此之間最細微的時刻，最能表達出最大的愛;重要的是知道真愛不僅僅是一次美好的性愛。當漫步在繁忙的街道上隨意擁抱，當我們互相責備對方，因為我們中的一個真的瘋了或其中一個是白痴，當我們隨時拿起電話，互相發短信，那個“wtf”的時刻就要到來了。做我們自己，説出我們的想法。讓彼此知道我們都在互相支持。正如作家 布奇納裏在向對方展示我們內心的深處時所説:“愛情應該建立在信任的基礎上，而信任又建立在愛的基礎上，當人們可以相互傾訴而不用擔心對方會怎麼想時，愛情就變得珍貴而美好了。”

Love is a mystery, and love is intimidating as much as it’s amazing. The more you love and the more emotionally attached you are to someone, the harder you’ll fall but the easier it is to say ‘I love you’ in one way or another, no matter where you are from, who you’ve been and who you are right now.

愛情是神秘的，是令人生畏的，也是令人驚歎的。你愛一個人越多，你對他/她的感情就越深，你就會越容易説出“我愛你”，無論你來自哪裏，你曾經是誰，你現在是誰，以何種方式。

How do you say ‘I love you’ to that special someone?

你是怎麼對那個特別的人説出我愛你的呢？