有哪些生活建議聽起來很假，但卻能救你的命？_風聞

【來源龍騰網】

評論原創翻譯：

GingerOverseer

Every male should know this. If you want to get rid of an awkward boner flex any muscle in your body maybe an arm. For a minute. The blood will rush to that muscle and away from your dick. Crisis averted.

每個男性都應該知道這個。假如你想掩蓋一次尷尬的支帳篷，身上的任何一塊肌肉都可以幫你的忙。只要花一分鐘。血流會流向那塊肌肉，從你的丁丁上流走。危機解除。

Firlefunk

Don’t be that awkward dude trying to hide an erection in public, confidently rock a raging boner while flexing those guns for all the world to see

當然，別變成那個為了在公眾場合掩蓋你的帳篷，而自信地擺出挺胯的健美姿勢給全世界看。

Firlefunk

Slow heavy metal music playing…

開始播放慢節奏重金屬音樂……

squanchy22400ml

Opposite is also true, right?

反過來也行，對吧？

digi2k

I don’t know what’s worse, holding down my boner or awkwardly standing there flexing both biceps with my boner trying to rip a hole in my sweats.

我不知道哪個更糟，究竟是把帳篷憋回去還是尷尬地站在那裏一邊顯擺二頭肌，一邊看到自己的鑽頭即將突破天際。

Caspers_Shadow

Use shaving cream as anti-fog. I used it on the inside of my motorcycle visor. Smear it on, let it dry, then rinse off and dry. It also works for bathroom mirrors. You can use it on a small spot so you can still see when you get out of the shower.

用剃鬚膏當除霧劑。我把它用在摩托車的後視鏡上。塗上去，自然風乾，然後擦下去晾乾。對浴室的鏡子也有效，你可以往鏡子上塗一點，這樣就算剛洗完澡你也能看清。

horia

boners are a healthy thing, and so natural, we shouldn’t shame them… #freetheboner

支帳篷是很健康的事情，並且很自然，我們不應該以此為恥……#自由支帳篷

Francsk1

Holding your breath for a minute or so also works and you can hide it better in public

憋一分鐘的氣之類的也可以，並且可以讓你在公共場合隱藏的更深。

StrandType

i’ve been doing this for years and it works every time. i always flex my calves. even if it’s really scientifically explained i think just believing it all these years has made it work if anything

我幾年來一直這麼做，每次都好用。我一直收縮小腿上的肌肉。就算沒有科學解釋，我覺得這幾年的相信也讓這一招起作用了。

rottenpupil

Does this work for those early morning tents?

早晨支的帳篷也有用嗎？

cates

why in the world am I just hearing about this now?

我到底為什麼今天才聽説這件事？

Pochusaurus

Turn your device on and off before contacting tech support.

在尋求技術支持之前，先重啓你的設備試試。

WaddlingKereru

And restart your computer regularly, not a shut down, a restart. Shut down is now just a glorified sleep and will not solve your problem

並且要經常重啓你的電腦。不是關機，而是重啓。現在的關機只是牛逼一點的休眠模式，並不會解決你的問題

GuiltyOrphan

If you have Windows 10 and want shutdown to actually shut your computer down you have to manually change the setting.

假如你的電腦是Windows 10，你想徹底地關掉你的電腦，你就得手動修改一下設置。

Search power settings in the Windows search bar, go to the right side of the window and find “Additional power settings”. Once that opens go to “Choose what the power buttons do” on the left side of the power options window. If you see “Change settings that are currently unavailable” near the top, click that and in the 4 checkboxes under “Shutdown settings”, the top one should say “Turn on fast starting (recommended)”. Despite the “recommended” part you need to uncheck it. After that just hit save changes.

在Windows搜索欄裏搜索電源和睡眠設置，去屏幕右邊找到“其他電源設置”，打開新窗口後選擇“更改電源按鈕的功能”。假如你在窗口的上方看見了藍字的“更改當前不可用的設置”，點一下，在下面“關機設置”的四個複選框中，最上面的一個寫的是“啓用快速啓動（推薦）”。儘管它寫了推薦，但你不應該選。然後按保存修改就可以了。

n0rs

If you’re fancy with computers, you can run (win+r) shutdown -r -f -t 00

假如你熟悉怎麼用電腦，你可以運行（Win+R)輸入"shutdown -r -f -t 00"。

SquashedTarget

In case anyone is wondering what this means:

假如有人納悶這是什麼意思的話；

FionaOlwen

Damn really..? Good to know!

我草真的？學到了！

HurpityDerp

not a shut down, a restart. Shut down is now just a glorified sleep and will not solve your problem

引用：“不是關機，而是重啓。現在的關機只是牛逼一點的休眠模式，並不會解決你的問題”

Funny because most people believe the opposite.

很好笑的是現在有很多人的看法與此相反。

WaddlingKereru

Well it used to be the opposite. But Microsoft found switching them to be an easy way to make computers start up more quickly (making the product appear better without actually making it better). However people now fall down because they never do a restart, thinking that it’s unnecessary, when it’s in fact very necessary. Even a few weeks without a restart now can cause problems

其實以前確實是正好相反的。但微軟發現把兩個切換一下是讓電腦啓動速度更快的好方法（讓產品看上去好很多，但並沒有真正讓產品變好）。然而人們現在會摔跟頭，因為他們從來不重啓，覺得重啓沒必要，而事實上非常有必要。就算幾星期不重啓，電腦也會出問題。

ASS_LORD_666

I saw a comment on one of these kinda threads that recommended gently rocking back and forth while pooping. I’ve never had any problems in the bathroom, but I happened to be sitting on the toilet when I read the comment so I decided to give it a test drive. I was pleasantly surprised at how quick and effortless the whole experience was and I haven’t gone back to my old stationary technique since. As a bonus, #1 and #2 now require the same amount of time in the bathroom!

我見過一個類似帖子的評論，推薦你在拉屎的時候輕輕地前後晃動身體。我以前從來沒有經歷過這種廁所問題，但當時讀這個評論的時候我正好坐在馬桶上，我就打算來一次試試。我很驚喜地發現整個過程變得又快又順滑，於是我再也沒回到以前的一動不動式。現在我在廁所裏解大手和解小手的時間一樣短了！

ghaupt1

Okay, I don’t know if you’ll see this or have the wherewithal to respond, but it’s 6:30am where I am and I’ve been up since around 4 with some constipation, mostly just browsing around Reddit (I’m not even subbed here — I’ve been browsing so long I hopped over to “Popular” to change things up). I have work today I just got promoted and we’re right smack dab in the middle of a two week crunch.

好吧我不知道你們會不會看到這個帖子或者有沒有想要回的，但現在我這邊是早上六點半，我四點多就醒了，感覺有點便秘，基本上就是在看reddit（我甚至都沒訂閲這個板塊，我刷的時間太長了，以至於跳到了“流行”分類）。我今天得工作，我剛剛升職，正在兩週瘋狂加班的中間。

I’ve been getting up, moving around, trying different stretches and positions to loosen things up, but all I’ve been feeling is tension and a lack of relief.

我起牀了，到處走動過，試過各種伸展動作和各種姿勢好讓下邊鬆快鬆快，但我感到的只有緊張和不舒坦。

Rocking back and forth on the toilet for just the last 5-10 minutes has already totally relieved the discomfort and tension I’ve been feeling! I haven’t jostled anything out yet, but I hope I’ve at least got the operation moving again. I’m comfortable enough to where I can probably go get a couple more hours of sleep and try again before I go to work.

在馬桶上前後晃悠了5到10分鐘，我所有的不適和緊張都一掃而空了！我暫時還沒把什麼東西擠出來，但我希望至少開始正常運動了。我現在感到足夠舒適，可以回去再睡幾小時，或許上班之前我還可以來這裏再坐一會兒。

THANK YOU, ASS LORD.

謝謝你，屁股王（樓上的ID)。

Edit: Hey guys! Thanks for the helpful advice. My bowels are free; the show will go on!

編輯：老鐵們！感謝你們有用的建議。我的腸胃已經通暢了；演出將會繼續！

idk-hereiam

Hope everything came out OK! Drink a lot of water and eat some leafy greens

希望一切都好！多喝水，吃點綠葉菜

HazycloudBlues

It’s from stress. It can do all kinds of crazy things to your body including the digestive system. Hope you’re feeling better 11 hours after posting this.

這是壓力導致的。壓力會給你的身體帶來各種各樣的負擔，包括消化系統。我希望你在發了這個帖子的11小時後感到舒坦許多。

HazycloudBlues

You was backed up like the Suez canal.

你堵得像蘇伊士運河。

bennynthejetsss

It works! Also, elevating your knees helps too. Hence… the squatty potty. I’m not a person who like to spend time pooping. My poops: 30 seconds max. My husbands: 10 mins minimum.

確實有用！以及把你的膝蓋抬高一些也有幫助。所以……請用蹲便。我不是那種喜歡在拉屎上浪費時間的人。我拉屎：頂多30秒。我丈夫拉屎：10分鐘起步。

Cm19803539

10 minutes? What, is this guy running a race?

剛10分鐘？跟這兒競速呢？

Instant_Smack

45 mins min, at work, 4 times a day.

45分鐘起步，上班的時候，一天四趟。

raeumauf

Do men actually take longer for pooping than women or are you just chilling the rest of the deal?

是男性普遍會比女性拉久一點，還是隻是你在開玩笑？

Cm19803539

It just depends. I can take anywhere from 10 minutes to 30 minutes in the bathroom, but I have unfortunate digestive problems and (I assume) a bad gut flora issue, so pooping is sometimes a painful and laborious process.

看情況。我在廁所裏花的時間在10分鐘到半小時之間，但我消化有點問題，並且（我認為）我的腸道菌羣不太好，所以拉屎有的時候既痛苦又費力。

Reddit does add some time to the clock though ;-)

當然啦刷reddit確實會佔一點時間

TheDragoniteborn

90 seconds using the toilet, 10 minutes using reddit

90秒拉屎，10分鐘刷手機

hammock_enthusiast

Just want to put out there to my fellow poop/me-time breakers; if you ever find yourself having some hemorrhoid-like issues this could be a cause. You’re not just sitting like you would be in a chair, your region down there is pushing out a bit and shouldn’t for an extended time. If you’re not having issues, keep scrolling but if you ever do, maybe look at changing up this habit.

只是想給我親愛的拉屎/私人休息時間夥伴們指出一點：假如你發現自己有類似痔瘡的症狀，在馬桶上坐太久可能是原因之一。當你坐在上頭的時候你和坐在椅子上是不一樣的，因為下面那塊兒是往外凸出來的，並且不應該凸太久。假如你沒有這方面的問題，儘管接着刷，但假如有的話，或許可以考慮一下換個習慣。

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