難以置信！美國法庭的爆笑實錄_風聞

轉載自新浪，本文整理自譯匠（ID：fanyijiang666）、新浪博客，博主流星天堂。

學英語是件挺鬧心的事兒，很多人在託福的折磨中漸漸失去了對英語的興趣，機械的複習，只奔着錄取最低分數線，不再奢求自己的語言學習有什麼進展。

但是不要忘了，留學後的日子包括了學習和生活。學習上你需要聽英文的課、讀英文的書、寫英文的句子。而生活上你也要面臨着滿世界的英文，買東西、交朋友等等方面也都需要我們的英文好一點，再好一點。

可是真的有點學不下去，有點厭煩英語了，那怎麼辦呢？建議你用這本書來喚起對英語的興趣和熱愛——《Disorder in the American Courts》（《美國法庭鬧劇》）

這本書裏的所有內容都是真實發生在美國法庭上的對話，逐字逐句由強忍笑意控制自己保持鎮靜的法庭書錄員記錄下來的。它能夠帶給你學英語的渴望和對美國法庭的新認識。同學們（尤其是以後準備搞JD或者LLM的），看完歡迎提感受。

提到法庭，不自覺會腦補出這樣的畫風：莊重、嚴肅，充滿緊張感。亦或是氣場強大的律師侃侃而談的樣子。但在實際情況中，法庭上常常會出現一些啼笑皆非的片段，下面我們就一起來看看外國法庭中那些爆笑實錄。

場景一

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

律師：你早上聽到你丈夫説的第一句話是什麼？

WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’

證人：他説‘我在哪，cathy?’

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

律師：這有什麼讓你沮喪的嗎？

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

證人：我叫susan!

場景二

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

律師：你第一次婚姻是怎麼結束的？

WITNESS: By death.

證人：因為死亡。

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

律師：是因為誰的死亡而結束的？

WITNESS: Take a guess.

證人：你説呢？

場景三

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

律師： 你知道你的女兒是否有牽連進伏都教嗎？

WITNESS: We both do.

證人： 我們兩個都是。

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

律師： 伏都教？

WITNESS: We do.

證人： 我們都是。

ATTORNEY: You do?

律師： 你是的？

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

證人： 是的，我們都是。

（這一則跟英文發音有關）

場景四

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

律師：醫生，是不是如果一個人在他睡覺的時候死了，那麼直到第二天早上他才會知道呢？

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

證人： 你有通過法院的考試嗎？

場景五

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

律師: 你最小的兒子，21歲的那一個，請問他多大了？

WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.

證人： 額，他21了。

場景六

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

律師： 當你照這張照片的時候，你在現場嗎？

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

證人：你TM是在耍我嗎？

場景七

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

律師： 所以嬰兒出生是在8月8號嗎？

WITNESS: Yes.

證人： 是的。

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

律師： 你當時在幹什麼？

WITNESS: Uh…. I was gett’in laid!

證人： 我，在，生，孩，子！

場景八

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

律師：醫生，你有多少次解剖是在死人身上進行的？

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

證人：所有都是，活人一般都忍不了。

場景九

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

律師：你還記得你檢查屍體的時間嗎？

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

證人：解剖是晚上八點半開始的。

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

律師：所以鄧盾先生那時候已經死了？

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

證人：如果沒有，那屍體解剖之後他也肯定死了。

場景十

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

律師：碰撞發生時,你的車子在幾檔?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

證人：我穿着GUCCI套衫，鋭步鞋。

注：Gear有多種含義，一是汽車排檔的檔位，二是身上為特定目的而穿的裝備、衣物。這裏attorney問的是“撞車的時候你在什麼檔位”，證人理解成“撞車的時候你穿戴如何”，於是回答“我穿Gucci汗衫和鋭步鞋”。

場景十一

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

律師：這個重症肌無力影響你的記憶力嗎？

WITNESS: Yes.

證人：影響。

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

律師：那麼它是以什麼方式影響你的記憶力的呢？

WITNESS: I forget.

證人：我忘了

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

律師：你忘了？你能給我們一個例子説説你忘了什麼事兒嗎……

場景十二

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

律師：她有三個孩子，對嗎？

WITNESS: Yes.

證人：是的

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

律師：幾個男孩？

WITNESS: None.

證人：沒有男孩

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

律師：那有女孩嗎？

W ITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

證人：尊敬的法官，我想我需要另外一個律師，可以換一個新的給我嗎？

場景十三

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

律師：你能描述那人的特徵嗎？

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

證人：他中等個頭，留着鬍子。

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

律師：那他是男是女？

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

證人：除非鎮上有馬戲團表演，否則我猜是男的。（有鬍子當然是男的！）

場景十四

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

律師：你所有的答覆必須都是口頭的，明白了？你念的哪一所學校？

WITNESS: Oral.

證人：口頭的

場景十五

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

律師：醫生，你在解剖前，檢查脈搏了嗎？

WITNESS: No.

證人：沒有

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

律師：你檢查血壓了嗎？

WITNESS: No.

證人：沒有

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

律師：你檢查呼吸了嗎？

WITNESS: No.

證人：沒有

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

律師：那麼這就是説，當你開始進行解剖的時候，病人有可能還活着？

WITNESS: No.

證人：不可能

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

律師：你怎麼能這麼肯定呢，醫生？

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

證人：因為當時他的大腦在我操作枱的罐子裏裝着。

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

律師：我明白了，但不管怎樣，有沒有可能當時病人還活着呢？

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

證人：是啊，沒準兒他正忙着當律師呢。