異地戀能有多美好?_風聞

【來源龍騰網】

評論原創翻譯：

Bala Senthil Kumar, Entrepreneur at Large in Two Countries

If she told me the distance is too hard for her in a long distance relationship does it mean she doesnt love me anymore or is it really the distance?

It means she is calling it off, and doesn’t want to be direct, feel bad about it later, or carry the guilt of announcing the break up.

If there are two people in a loving, trusting, caring, sharing relationship, and both care to be in it, if any one has a problem, I would love to think the words will express something along the lines of, “Baby, I hate being so far away from you. I am missing you awfully. Come see me, please!”, and both would rush to be in each other’s arms. That’s love.

If it is a constipated, “This is really hard for me, you know?”, it is really saying, “This is inconvenient, and I’d rather let this go and open the door to new possibilities. But you’re in the way, and I don’t have the courage to call it off, because I know karma is a bitch.

It appears not all of us recognize when a relationship has run its course, distance or no distance. Doesn’t mean you can’t retrieve, but it takes two who want to run into each other’s arms no matter what else. Not two who want to be polite or ask others for advice based on mere symptoms and third party analysis.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. If love is strong and true and top priority for both that is. But then that kind of love isn’t for everyone either.

如果她告訴我，在遠距離戀愛中，距離對她來説太難了，這是意味着她不再愛我了，還是真的是因為異地戀的原因？

這意味着她要取消約會，不想直截了當，不想事後為此感到難過，也不想因為宣佈分手而感到內疚。

如果兩個人在一段充滿愛、信任、關心、分享的關係中，而且雙方都想參與其中，如果有任何人有問題，我希望這些話能表達這樣的意思:“寶貝，我討厭離你這麼遠。我非常想念你。請過來看我吧!”於是兩人都奔向對方的懷抱—這是愛。

如果它是一個呆滯的狀態，“這對我來説真的很難，你知道嗎?”它實際上是在説，“這太不方便了，我寧願讓它過去，打開新的可能性的大門。”但你擋了我的路，我沒有勇氣放棄，因為我知道因果報應很糟糕。

似乎並不是所有人都認識到一段關係已經走到了盡頭，不管是不是異地戀。這並不意味着你無法挽回，但這需要兩個無論發生什麼都想投入到對方懷裏的人。不是兩個僅僅基於症狀和第三方分析而想要禮貌的尋求他人建議的人。

距離使兩顆心靠得更近。如果愛是強烈的，真實的，對雙方來説都是最重要的。但這種愛也不適合所有人。

Farah Safira, studied Psychology at Universitas Indonesia (2019)

Farah Safira，在印度尼西亞大學學習心理學(2019)

What’s unhealthy:

The unsubstantiated suspicion on your partner

Draw conclusions without at least trying to find out in advance about the actual situation or your partner’s point of view

Not trusting your partner. That they love you, therefore, they wouldn’t do things that would upset you. OR saying you trust them in their face but doesn’t mean it 

Listening to anyone commenting and judging on your relationship instead of having faith on you, your partner, and the relationship

Expect your partner to sacrifice things for you and the relationship meanwhile you refuse to sacrifice yourselves for them and the relationship

More judging than listening

Not respecting your partner’s needs for self-care thus forcing and pushing them to fulfill the needs of the relationship first if not every single time

The long-distance relationship itself isn’t unhealthy. What makes it become unhealthy is how wrongfully you treat yourself, your partner, and both of you within the relationship.

什麼是不健康的：

對你伴侶未經證實的懷疑

在不嘗試事先了解實際情況或伴侶觀點的情況下得出結論

不信任你的伴侶。因為他們愛你，所以他們不會做讓你難過的事。或者在他們面前説你信任他們，但不是真心的。

傾聽他人對你們關係的評論和評判，而不是對你、你的伴侶和你們的關係有信心。

期待你的伴侶為你和這段關係犧牲一些東西，同時你拒絕為他們和這段關係犧牲自己。

判斷多於傾聽。

不尊重伴侶對自我照顧的需求，從而迫使和推動他們首先滿足關係的需求，如果不是每次都是這樣的話。

異地戀本身並不是不健康的。讓它變得不健康的是你在關係中對自己、伴侶以及雙方的不當對待。

Amer Khwaja, Introvert. Traveler. Photo Artist. Webmaster. Lived awhile.

I’m in a long distance relationship with a guy who lives in America and I live in Japan. He goes to school to be a doctor and he’s been really busy with school and work and he doesn’t have time to talk to me. What can we do to make things work out?

if you really want things to work out, one of you will have to make a big sacrifice and move to be closer to the other one. Otherwise, how long do you plan to continue this? How soon before one of you meets someone who lives a lot closer and decides its better to be with someone they see all the time than someone they rarely see?

我住在日本，和一個住在美國的男人發生異地戀。他上學是為了當醫生，他一直忙於學習和工作，沒有時間和我説話。我們能做些什麼來解決問題？

如果你真的想讓事情順利進行，你們中的一方將不得不做出巨大的犧牲，並向另一方靠近。否則，你打算持續多久？要多久你們中的一個人會遇到一個住得很近的人，並認為和一個經常見面的人在一起比和一個很少見面的人在一起更好?

Rinku Gala, 13 years of experience in Marketing Communications

Rinku Gala, 13年的營銷傳播經驗

I am in one since more than a yr. It’s tough but not impossible. LDR works if Love is strong on both ends. Also what do you’ll want most in relationship. If it’s physically it will definitely break, if you’ll working on building a future together then it may work as long as you’ll are commited to one an other & share the same goal. If you can’t manage please give up earlier the better to save your & his/her time and efforts.

我已經在一年多的時間裏處於異地戀了，這很艱難，但並非不可能。如果愛的兩端都很強烈，異地戀就會有結果。另外，在你們的關係中，你最想要什麼。如果是身體上的接觸，它肯定會破裂，如果你們一起努力建設一個未來，那麼它可能會有結果—只要你們相互承諾，共享同一個目標。如果你做不到，請儘早放棄，以節省你和他/她的時間和精力。

Victoria August, CEO at Kenner Promotions & Publications

I think that the distance between two people sometimes gives more time to relax, to be themselves, and get to know each other with time between visits to digest what they learn and begin to feel for each other; Without the great expectations to quickly make a decision to commit. When they travel to see each other they know their time is limited so they cherish what they have together as a special treat. 

我認為，兩個人之間的距離有時會給他們更多的時間去放鬆，做自己，在兩次探訪之間花時間去了解對方，消化他們瞭解到的東西，並開始感受對方；不用快速做出承諾決定和抱有巨大期望。當他們旅行去看對方時，他們知道自己的時間有限，所以他們珍惜在一起時的特殊待遇。

Prity Roy, B.A from University of Calcutta

普里蒂·羅伊，加爾各答大學學士

Every relationship needs effort , time , communication and love ofcourse . If you both love eachother distance does not matter. I am in a LDR and trust me we are just like normal couples . We miss eachother but we can’t meet .we want to hug eachother but we can’t .

When I informed my friends about him they said that this relationship won’t work but still it’s working. He is caring and loving . Physically we are not together but emotionally we are together . He is mature and I am immature .

I am sick he is there for me . He is the first person after my mom asking about my health . He motivates me for everything’s . He scold me .Yeah I wait for his phone calls mostly . He is my bestfriend I can share anything with him. He fights with me but end up hugging me . He never ask me about my male friends . My exam he is ready to sacrifice his sleep . He stay busy but never forget to ping me asking about my study . 

當然，每段關係都需要努力、花時間、溝通和愛。如果你們相愛，距離並不重要。我就在異地戀，相信我，我們就像普通夫妻一樣。我們彼此思念，卻無法相見。我們想擁抱對方，但我們不能。

當我把他的事告訴我的朋友們時，他們説這段關係沒有結果，但仍然有效，他充滿關懷和愛心。身體上我們沒有在一起，但情感上我們在一起。他成熟而我不成熟。

我病了，他在我身邊。他是繼我媽媽之後第一個問我健康問題的人。他激勵我做任何事。他罵我。是的，我大部分時間都在等他的電話。他是我最好的朋友，我可以和他分享任何東西。他和我打架，但最後還是擁抱了我。他從不問我關於男性朋友的事。我的考試他犧牲睡眠給我做準備。他總是很忙，但從不忘記打電話給我詢問我的學習情況。

Ann Patrick, B.Sc. Psychology, 22 Years Training in Buddhism + (1949-present)

A long-distance relationship can be a bright spot in our day .. especially if we don’t have much of a life or are not interested in much. It can also give us a dream of a better-future to hang onto. LDRS can be positive during a pandemic lock-down, when we CANNOT get out and live a full life, and when we have NO idea what tomorrow will hold.

But for normal living conditions, they are not very advisable.

First of all, they are not actual relationships. Since 90% of what we grasp about and share between us and another comes NOT from the VERBAL content, but from the NON-VERBAL cues .. you can only relate 10% to someone you are not with in-person. LDR’s DO create a sense of “pseudo-understanding” that can be very appealing, that we WANT to believe in .. but it is not about reality.

So most of long-distance ‘relationships’ are little more than a shared fantasy. We don’t even know for SURE if the person’s situation is what they claim it is .. let along having the opportunity to learn WHO they are BY observing them in person, as they relate to others, make decisions, and react to annoyances.

異地戀可能是我們生活中的亮點。特別是當我們對生活不感興趣或者對生活不感興趣的時候。它也能給我們一個更美好未來的夢想。在大流行封鎖期間，當我們無法出去過充實的生活，當我們不知道明天會發生什麼時，異地戀的人可以是給與信息的。

但在正常的生活條件下，它們是不可取的。

首先，它們不是真正的關係。因為我們所掌握和分享的90%都不是來自語言內容，而是來自非語言線索。你和沒有和你在一起的人只能有10%的關係。異地戀確實創造了一種“偽理解”的感覺，這種感覺非常有吸引力，我們想要相信，但這與現實無關。

因此，大多數遠距離“關係”只不過是一種共同的幻想。我們甚至不確定此人的情況是否與他們聲稱的一樣。讓我們有機會親自觀察他們，當他們與他人相處，做出決定，對煩惱做出反應時來了解他們是誰。

The drawbacks of an LDR are:

The more attached we become to the fantasy, the more we hate our REAL life and the more unhappy we become.

Since there is only 10% communication, most of what we think is going on is our own wishful thinking superimposed over reality.

Misunderstandings are difficult to fix, since there are none of the non-verbal cues to create a sense of reassurance.

And if we DO get together with them, our fantasy about them will carry us along for a while .. but as that starts to disintegrate, MOST LDR’S become very difficult and painful and end badly. Because the fantasy we have become so attached to cannot live up to the reality of who the other person actually IS.

Finally, many men are motivated to seek a relationship for the physical contact. They cannot get that from an LDR, and sooner or later some lady WHERE they live catches their eye and they drop the LDR.

異地戀的缺點是：

我們越是痴迷於幻想，就越討厭現實生活，也就越不快樂。

由於只有10%的交流，我們認為正在發生的大部分是我們自己疊加在現實之上的一廂情願的想法。

誤解很難消除，因為沒有任何非語言的線索來產生一種安慰的感覺。

如果我們真的和他們在一起，我們對他們的幻想會帶我們走一段時間。但隨着這一點開始瓦解，大多數異地戀變得非常困難和痛苦，結局很糟糕。因為我們過於依賴的幻想無法與另一個人的真實身份相匹配。

最後，許多男人尋求一段關係的動機是身體接觸。他們無法從異地戀中獲得這一點，遲早，居住在他們附近的某位女士會引起他們的注意，並放棄異地戀。

Venessa Lobo, Master of Pharmacy BITS Pilani, Hyderabad Campus, Birla Institute of Technology and Science, Pilani (2021)

Why is the long-distance relationship too difficult to handle?

Cause you can’t see that person physically in front you. You start missing the presence of that person.

Things like the way that person made you smile, sometimes cry, when you got really pissed, if you visit a place the two of you frequented you become nostalgic.

And it becomes even more difficult when you aren’t going through the best of times and the person you rely on isn’t next to you.

They are difficult to be in but not impossible ! All you need is a faithful and loving heart :)

That’s why long distance relationships are hard.

為什麼異地戀太難處理？

因為你看不到你面前的那個人。你開始想念那個人。

比如那個人讓你微笑，有時讓你哭泣，當你真的生氣時，如果你去一個你們經常去的地方，你會變得懷舊。

當你沒有度過最好的時光，而你所依賴的人又不在你身邊時，這會變得更加困難。

他們很難有結果，但並非不可能！你所需要的只是一顆忠誠而充滿愛的心。

這就是為什麼異地戀很難。