曾經有人毀了你的生活嗎?_風聞

【來源龍騰網】

評論原創翻譯：

Brian David Parry

Have you ever seen someone’s life systematically destroyed?

Yes I have and it was so sad. I worked at a music store for 15 years and when i first started a young 15 year old girl came in with her Mom and she played flute and was very pretty and perfect teeth and super pale white skin. She walked gracefully and had the cutest smile and face.

She came in a few times a year and the next year she had some dark and eerie tattoos on her once untouched skin and her behavior was animated and nervous and she was with two druggie guys that were trash.

The next time i saw her she had sold her flute and was selling her body to keep all the needle marks on her legs and arms going and her face was haggard and her once beautiful teeth were recessed and gnarly and her beautiful hair was stiff and brittle and her skeleton was showing and her walk was a robotic prance and I could not stand to see her being a dead living person.

I begged her to get help and go to rehab and she said the court will do that at her trial for soliciting herself. I never saw her after that but i was told by one of her girlfriends that she died from an overdose of the new drug Fentanyl!

I hate drugs and drug dealers and the gangs and officials that get rich and powerful making and distributing them.

你見過有人的生活被有組織地摧毀嗎？

是的，我有過，很傷心。我在一家樂器店工作了15年，剛開始的時候，一個15歲的小女孩和她媽媽一起進來，她會吹長笛，非常漂亮，牙齒完美，皮膚非常白。她走路很優雅，笑容和臉都很可愛。

她每年都會來幾次，第二年，在她原本未被觸及的皮膚上，弄上一些黑色詭異的紋身，她的行為活躍而緊張，她和兩個吸毒的傢伙在一起，他們都是垃圾。

我再次見到她時，她賣掉了她的長笛，出賣了她的身體，腿和手臂上留有針痕，面容憔悴，曾經美麗的牙齒凹陷粗糙，美麗的頭髮僵硬而脆弱，她的骨架顯露出來，走路像機器人般跳躍，我無法忍受她是一個活生生的死人。

我懇求她去尋求幫助，並去康復中心，她説法庭會因她拉客而受審。之後我再也沒見過她，但她的一個女性朋友告訴我，她死於服用過量的新藥—芬太尼！

我討厭毒品和毒販，以及討厭那些製造和分銷毒品的權貴團伙和官員。

Anushka Bhide

Do you know anyone whose life is destroyed by success?

The story I’ve heard of a professor’s life being destroyed by success was a guy who won grants totaling $50 million one year in the biological sciences, however in his state of ego, he fired PhD students and post doctoral candidates left and right for reasons like not replying to a email sent on Christmas Day or because they went camping with their friends on a Sunday. At this point, he’s got a lot of money but nobody wants to work with him. He gets emails from naive students abroad and undergraduate students but they just aren’t good enough for his lab. The ones who were- got fired and are thriving in their careers now.

Every single day I hear stories about professors raking in millions of dollars in grants for their research.

It is not easy to conjure up a research idea for some esoteric physics topic and then write a convincing proposal to get funding.

But I also hear tales of the wrath they unravel on their graduate students. A PhD advisor pays the student’s tuition and salary in exchange for productive research output.

But the scales have begun to tip a little too heavily.

你知道有誰的生活被成功毀掉了嗎?

我聽説過一個教授的生活被成功毀掉的故事，他在生物科學領域獲得了一年總計5000萬美元的資助，但在他的自負狀態下，他解僱了博士生和博士後候選人，理由是沒有回覆聖誕節發出的電子郵件，或者因為他們在週日和朋友一起露營。目前，他有很多錢，但沒人願意和他一起工作。他收到了來自國外天真的學生和本科生的電子郵件，但這些發郵件的人對他的實驗室來説不夠好。那些曾經被解僱的人現在的事業卻蒸蒸日上。

每天我都會聽到教授們為他們的研究獲得數百萬美元資助的故事。

為一些深奧的物理主題想出一個研究思路，然後寫出一個令人信服的提案來獲得資金，這並不容易。

但我也聽到了他們對研究生髮泄憤怒的故事。博士生導師支付學生的學費和工資，以換取富有成效的研究成果。

但天平開始傾斜得有點過於嚴重了。

原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.ltaaa.cn 轉載請註明出處

Some graduate students are now slaves to the wishes of their advisor. They are obliged to reply to emails in the middle of the night and come in to the lab on Sundays. A lot of these cases have resulted in the student being fired in the middle of their PhD with nowhere to go.

There was even the case of an advisor proactively calling up companies and other professors to tell them NOT to hire this kid.

The scary part is: most of these students are international students from China and India.

They’re usually very afraid and will do anything to complete their PhD, even if it means dealing with anxiety and depression for 5 years without validation.

I’ve been fortunate to meet the sweetest people at the University of Minnesota. But this is alarmingly common in many U.S universities.

I guess the one thing I’d like to say to these 50–60 year old (usually men) professors is: “You’re done with your PhD. You’re done with your post doctoral phase. You have a family, a home, and you’ve chosen to become an academic. Pretty soon, you’ll retire. And then you’ll die. What do you get out of scaring 22 year olds? Seriously, what pleasure does it give you?”

And I’m not villianizing just the advisors in this case: I’ve also met grad students who are lazy and take advantage of their advisors’ kindness. But those cases are bleak, especially in the populations of international students who come here with a goal.

一些研究生現在成了導師願望的奴隸。他們必須在深夜回覆電子郵件，並在星期天進入實驗室。很多此類案件都導致該學生在博士期間被解僱，無處可去。

甚至有一位導師主動打電話給公司和其他教授，告訴他們不要僱傭這個孩子。

可怕的是：這些學生大多是來自中國和印度的國際學生。

他們通常非常害怕，為了完成博士學位不惜一切代價，即使這意味着要在沒有確認的情況下處理5年的焦慮和抑鬱。

我很幸運在明尼蘇達大學遇到了最可愛的人。但上面這些情況在許多美國大學中卻非常普遍。

我想對這些50-60歲（通常是男性）的教授説的一件事是：“你完成了博士學位。你完成了博士後階段。你有一個家庭，一個家，你選擇了成為一名學者。很快，你就會退休，然後你會死。你從嚇唬22歲的孩子中得到了什麼？説真的，這給你帶來了什麼快樂？”

在這種情況下，我不只是詆譭導師：我也遇到過懶惰的研究生，他們利用導師的善意。但這些情況令人沮喪，特尤其是那些有目標來美國的國際學生。

Anonymous

When I was 29, I met this beautiful and intelligent girl who unfortunately had a background of a bad marriage ending in divorce. I was single, never married and was ambitious. I fell for the girl and we were an item for a while. I got serious about her and we started discussing our future together. However, being an Indian brahmin (an upper caste in the Indian caste system), there were bound to be issues marrying someone from another caste and her status. It didn’t bother me but it mattered a lot to my parents.

When I brought up the news to my parents they resisted hard, including my own brother. I fought back harder and against everyone’s wishes I married this girl and was happy as one could be. Life couldn’t be better. She was a lovely human being and loved to take care of me. I reciprocated and helped her, it was a wonderful marriage. Both of us loved children and wanted to raise a family.

After a couple of years of our marriage our parents accepted her and we moved close to them and life was wonderful. Great family, nicest neighbors and a good job.

In the following years we had issues with having kids and she underwent severe mental trauma due this, not to mention a lot of treatments to assist with fertility. Some treatments are cruel, in my view, but essential for the purpose. I stood by her, supported her, went with her to all doctor’s appointments, traveled to temples & hospitals and provided a lot of moral comfort all along. Finally, all our efforts bore fruit when we had our first child, a beautiful girl which I had dreamed of.

當我29歲的時候，我遇到了一個美麗而聰明的女孩，不幸的是，她有一段糟糕的婚姻，最終以離婚告終。我是單身，從未結婚，滿腔抱負。我愛上了那個女孩，我們一度成為了一對。我對她很認真，我們開始一起討論我們的未來。然而，作為一名印度婆羅門（印度種姓制度中的上層種姓），娶另一個種姓和另一種地位的人肯定會有問題。這並不困擾我，但對我父母來説很重要。

當我向父母提起這一消息時，他們極力抵制，包括我自己的弟弟。我更努力地反擊，違背了所有人的願望，我娶了這個女孩，並儘可能地幸福。生活再美好不過了。她是一個可愛的人，喜歡照顧我。我報答她，幫助她，這是一段美好的婚姻。我們倆都愛孩子，都想組建一個家庭。

結婚幾年後，我們的父母接受了她，我們搬到了他們身邊，生活很美好。偉大的家庭，有最好的鄰居和一份好工作。

在接下來的幾年裏，我們在生孩子方面遇到了問題，她因此遭受了嚴重的精神創傷，更不用説許多有助於生育的治療了。在我看來，有些治療是殘忍的，但對目的來説卻是必不可少的。我站在她身邊，支持她，和她一起去看醫生，去寺廟和醫院，並一直提供很多精神安慰。最後，當我們有了第一個孩子，一個我夢寐以求的漂亮女孩時，我們所有的努力都取得了成果。

Two years later we had another girl, without any challenges and it looked like a real gift from God. We couldn’t have asked for more. I had promotion in my job and we were financially well off too.

Fast forward another 6 years, we were in a foreign land now with an additional responsibility. My wife gave up her job to follow me to the new land. She fought her depression of being away from her family and having to manage two small children. But she stood by me to take on the new responsibility.

Then, I got friendly with the wrong people and they introduced me to this sly world of meeting girls online to have side affairs. Immediately it looked wrong so I ignored; however the issue was I still met with these friends who were to be avoided. Over time when I kept hearing stories of their exploits I fell for the temptation and started dating women outside of my marriage. I was having an affair. I got a bit too deep in to a relationship with a woman and had a 2-year long affair before she went out of the country.

My wife accidentally discovered this and her world came crashing down. She broke down, cursed and yelled and told me that I had ruined her life for good. What would happen to the children? What is our future? What was my plan?

兩年後，我們又有了一個女孩，沒有任何挑戰，這看起來像是上帝給我們的真正禮物。我們不能要求更多了。我的工作升職了，我們的經濟也很好。

又過了6年，我們身處異國他鄉，肩負着額外的責任。我妻子放棄了她的工作，跟隨我來到新的土地。她克服了遠離家人和不得不撫養兩個小孩的沮喪情緒。但她支持我承擔新的責任。

然後，我交了錯誤的朋友，他們把我引入了這個偷偷摸摸的世界，在網上認識女孩，有外遇。馬上看起來就不對了，所以我忽略了；然而，問題是我仍然會去見這些需要避免的朋友。隨着時間的推移，當我不斷聽到他們的事蹟時，我被誘惑了，開始和婚外的女人約會。我有外遇。我和一個女人的關係陷得很深了，在她出國之前，我和她有了兩年的婚外戀。

我妻子無意中發現了這一點，她的世界崩潰了。她崩潰了，詛咒我，大喊大叫，告訴我我永遠毀了她的生活。孩子們會怎麼樣?我們的未來是什麼?我的計劃是什麼?

Honestly I hadn’t thought about anything. I still wanted my family, my children and my wife. I hadn’t fallen out of love but I thought I was having an adventure and it gave me kicks. Needless to say, the forbidden fruit tastes better but the after taste, is always bitter.

She had looked up to me all these years as I was her friend, counsel, father of her children and a provider. Now, I fell totally in her sight and was a disgusting philanderer My family was pulled in to this issue and they broke their ties with us. They totally cut us off except for my father who gradually forgave me; however I lost the rest of them forever.

My wife has since patched up with me and has graciously given me a second chance on the promise that I will clean up my act, all the while keeping this away from the children. She doesn’t want the children to hate me and also wants a normal family life for us.

All said, I broke the faith of a genuinely wonderful human being who is my wife and shattered her life. She thought she had the perfect life - good life, beautiful & intelligent children, decent financial status and a great husband….but the last one was not to be and I was responsible for wreaking her beautiful life. Knowing that I can’t ever mend it and the damage is done forever, it kills me everyday.

説實話，我什麼都沒想過。我仍然想要我的家庭，我的孩子和我的妻子。我本沒有失去愛，但我覺得自己正在經歷一場冒險，這讓我很興奮。不用説，禁果的味道更好，但之後的味道總是苦的。

這些年來，她一直尊敬我，視我為她的朋友、顧問、孩子的父親和經濟來源。現在，我在她眼裏，是一個令人厭惡的花心鬼。我的家人被捲入了這件事，他們斷絕了與我們的關係。他們完全斷絕了我們的聯繫，只有父親慢慢地原諒了我;然而，我與其餘人永遠失去了關係。

從那以後，我的妻子和我和好了，並慷慨地給了我第二次機會，我承諾會洗心革面，同時不讓孩子們知道這件事。她不想讓孩子們恨我，也想讓我們過正常的家庭生活。

總之，我辜負了我妻子的信任，毀了她的生活。她認為自己擁有完美的生活——美好的生活，美麗而聰明的孩子，體面的經濟地位和一個偉大的丈夫，但最後一個不可能了，我要為毀掉她美麗的一生負責。我知道我再也無法修補它，而且這種傷害是永遠的，它每天都在折磨着我。