哪10個習慣會破壞你們的關係_風聞

【來源龍騰網】

評論原創翻譯：

Cyndi Perlman Fink

Only ten? After forty-eight years of marriage, it’s not the big things, it’s the little things that make me think we won’t make it to forty-nine.

Opening cabinet doors and not closing them.

Taking something out and not putting it back.

Leaving the toilet seat up.

Messy drawers.

I don’t have ten things because:

He walks the dog in the rain.

He puts a bandaid on my cut, with Neosporin, and then he kisses it to make it well.

He always takes out the garbage.

只有十個？結婚四十八年了，讓我覺得我們撐不到四十九年的不是大事，而是小事。

打開櫃門後不關閉櫃門。

把東西拿出來後不放回去。

把馬桶座墊留在上面。

抽屜凌亂。

我説不出10個習慣，因為：

他在雨中遛狗。

他用Neosporin在我的傷口上貼了一條創可貼，然後吻了一下，使傷口癒合。

他總是倒垃圾。

He loves me when I’m at my worst.

He always has my back.

He cares about my health and well being.

He loves me when I’m at my best.

He still makes me laugh.

He’s willing to watch silly TV with me in bed.

He vacuums before friends come over to visit.

I’ll close the cabinet doors.

I’ll put things away.

I’ll put down the toilet seat, although it’s not pleasant on a cold night.

I’ll refold all of his t-shirts.

I will love him forever and a day.

‘Next month will be forty-nine years. 

當我最糟糕的時候，他愛我。

他總是支持我。

他關心我的健康和幸福。

當我處於最佳狀態時，他愛我。

他仍然讓我笑。

他願意和我一起在牀上看無聊的電視。

朋友們來拜訪之前，他先用吸塵器吸塵。

我會關上櫃門。

我會把東西收起來。

我會放下馬桶座—雖然在寒冷的夜晚不舒服。

我會把他所有的t恤都疊起來。

我會永遠愛他。

下個月是結婚四十九年了。

Raul Ballesteros

I’ve been in an extraordinary relationship for over three years. 

Here are a 8 habits that can sabotage your entire relationship:

1)Needing To Be Right

The “need” to be right in an argument is an illusion that comes from our ego. The ego strives to be right because all it cares about is itself.

But, needing to be right can become toxic for the both people especially when both people “need” to be right. It’s about returning back to peace.

I’ve learned that it’s never about who’s right or wrong but rather the outcome we are trying to achieve within the argument. Focus on returning back to good terms.

If you really care about the other person then needing to be right shouldn’t really matter to you. What matters is “why” the other person is upset and addressing it.

So, start leaving your ego at the door when it comes to your relationships because women find that as a “turn off.” Let them be right and they’ll admit when you are.

三年多來，我談了一段特別的戀愛。

以下8個習慣可能會破壞你的整個關係：

1） 需要正確

在爭論中正確的“需要”是一種來自我們自我的幻覺。自我努力做到正確，因為它只關心自己。

但是，需要正確對兩個人都是有害的，特別是當兩個人都“需要”正確的時候。這是關於迴歸和平。

我明白了，這從來都不是誰對誰錯的問題，而是我們在爭論中試圖達到的結果。專注於恢復良好的關係。

如果你真的在乎對方，那麼你需要做正確的事對你來説並不重要。重要的是“為什麼”對方不高興，並解決這個問題。

所以，當涉及到你的關係好壞時，開始不要去考慮自我，因為女人覺得這是一種“拒絕”。讓她們是對的，這樣她們也會承認你是對的。

2)Being Jealous

I believe one of the biggest factors in failing relationships is jealousy. I used to be so jealous that it put my relationship in jeopardy. It’s poison disguised as love.

We may say to our partner “I’m jealous because I love you” but that’s not true at all. We become jealous because we assume our partners will hurt us in some way.

The more jealous you become the more you’ll try to control your partner. You’ll feel offended when they wear something cute or if a guy messages them online.

One of the best books I’ve ever read on relationships was “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz because it taught me to have a loving relationship with myself.

It also taught me that jealousy is really a lack of self-love and our minds making ridiculous assumptions about how our partners will hurt us.

I recommend studying “how to overcome jealousy” online because there are many methods to beating it. Jealousy can be a “turn off” and end a relationship.

2） 嫉妒

我認為，人際關係失敗的最大因素之一是嫉妒。我以前很嫉妒，這讓我的關係岌岌可危。這是偽裝成愛的毒藥。

我們可能會對伴侶説“我嫉妒，因為我愛你”，但這根本不是真的。我們嫉妒是因為我們認為我們的伴侶會以某種方式傷害我們。

你越嫉妒，你就越想控制你的伴侶。當他們穿上可愛的衣服或者有人在網上給他們發信息時，你會覺得很生氣。

我讀過的關於戀愛關係的最好的書之一是堂·米格爾·路易茲（Don Miguel Ruiz）的《四個約定》，因為它教會了我如何與自己建立一種充滿愛的關係。

它也教會了我，嫉妒其實是一種自愛的缺乏，我們的大腦會對我們的伴侶會如何傷害我們做出荒謬的假設。

我建議在網上研究“如何克服嫉妒”，因為有很多方法可以克服嫉妒。嫉妒是一種“拒絕”，可以結束一段關係。

3)Not Communicating Needs & Feelings

Communication is really the fabric that holds relationships together. Clear communication between both people is what allows relationships to thrive.

But, where communication matters the most is when your needs aren’t being met and when the other person hurts your feelings.

Never and I mean never assume that your partner knows what you need or how something they said or did made you feel. This requires you to check your ego.

We are human but not mind readers. As much as you want the other person to “just know” what you need or how they made you feel, that’s not how it works.

The best thing to do is communicate to your partner exactly how you feel and why you feel that way so that they can become “aware” of their behaviors.

If your partner genuinely cares about your needs and feelings then they will work on making that adjustment to improve the overall relationship.

3） 不溝通需求和感受

溝通實際上是維繫關係的基礎。兩個人之間清晰的溝通是關係得以發展的關鍵。

但是，溝通最重要的是當你的需求沒有得到滿足的時候，當對方傷害了你的感情的時候。

永遠不要，我的意思是永遠不要假設你的伴侶知道你需要什麼，或者不要假設他們説的話或做的事讓你有什麼感覺。這需要你檢查你的自我。

我們是人，但不是懂讀心術的人。儘管你想讓對方“知道”你需要什麼或讓對方“知道”他們給你的感覺，但事情不是這樣的。

最好的做法是與你的伴侶準確地交流你的感受以及準確地交流你為什麼會這樣，這樣他們才能“意識到”自己的行為。

如果你的伴侶真的關心你的需求和感受，那麼他們會努力做出調整，以改善整體關係。

4)Not Knowing Your Partners Love Language

A concept that really took our relationship to a whole new level was learning each others love language. Every person has a unique way that makes them feel loved.

I first heard about this concept in an interview with Jay Shetty and his wife. The idea is pretty simple…every person has their own love language.

The love languages are — words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, buying gifts and acts of service. We all crave one of these type of love languages.

I’d highly recommend buying the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It will allow you to understand your partner at a deeper level.

When I found out what my partners love language was I was actually surprised because I “assumed” it was something else. Read the book, it’s a game changer.

4） 不知道你伴侶的愛的語言

一個真正將我們的關係提升到一個全新水平的概念是學習彼此的愛的語言。每個人都有一種獨特的方式，讓他們感到被愛。

我第一次聽到這個概念是在傑伊·謝蒂和他的妻子的採訪中。道理很簡單，每個人都有自己的愛的語言。

愛的語言是:肯定的話語、美好的時光、身體的接觸、購買禮物和服務的行為。我們都渴望其中一種愛的語言。

我強烈推薦購買加里·查普曼的《五種愛的語言》一書。這將讓你更深入地瞭解你的伴侶。

當我發現我的伴侶喜歡什麼語言時，我真的很驚訝，因為我“假設”是另一回事。讀這本書，它改變了遊戲規則。

5)Being Distracted Instead of Present

In the age of technology, it’s easy to get on our phones whenever we want…even if that means when we are spending time with our partner. This is a BIG no no.

If you really want to end your relationship then get on your phone while you’re spending quality time with your partner. Women and men both find this to be a major “turn off.”

Let’s say your partner gets ready to go out to dinner with you. They put on make up, your favorite perfume and your favorite outfit all to impress you.

Then, you go to dinner and while you’re there instead of being present with your partner you get on your phone. You don’t even compliment their effort or look.

In your partners eyes, it will seem as if you don’t care about her and as if she doesn’t exist. This will translate into you not truly loving her or the relationship.

What my partner and I do when we go out on dates is put our phones away. We’ve both made the conscious decision to ‘be present’ while we are on dates.

This also means being present while you’re at home. If you two are watching a movie together, cuddle up with each other and cherish that moment…no phones.

5） 分心而不是專注

在科技時代，我們隨時都可以拿起手機，縱容我們和伴侶在一起的時候也如此。這是特別不好的事情。

如果你真的想結束你們的關係，那就在你和伴侶共度美好時光的同時，打電話吧。女性和男性都認為這是一個主要的“拒絕”方式

假設你的伴侶準備和你一起出去吃飯。他們化好妝，噴上你最喜歡的香水，穿上你最喜歡的衣服，這隻為給你留下深刻印象。

然後，你去吃晚餐，當你在那裏的時候，你沒有和你的伴侶在一起，而是在玩手機。你甚至不讚美他們的成果或外表。

在你的伴侶眼裏，你似乎不在乎她，好像她不存在一樣。這將轉化為你沒有真正愛她或不想要這段關係。

我和我的伴侶出去約會時所做的就是把手機收起來。我們都有意識地決定在約會時“進入狀態”。

這也意味着你在家時要進入狀態。如果你們兩個在一起看電影，彼此擁抱，珍惜那一刻，就不要打電話。